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August 23, 2012
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June 6, 2012
The Question still stands... "Adam, where are you?"
Global Expeditions, which is one of the largest short term missions organizations in the world, sent out 3,000 young women this past summer on short term missions. They were only able to send out 600 young men due to a lack of interest.
"Where are all the men?" Was a question that I have often asked church leaders, teams, and myself. However I have found a much more important question to ask: "Why do we have so few men in the church?"
Men only make up 33% percent of the church and we could throw the blame on the nature of men saying that they are too pride filled or on the church saying that it is too domesticated and lacks the adventure that men crave, but neither are true.
I have found that the number one reason that men are absent in the church is because we who are men stand by in apathy. Men are not born, boys are born and they are forged into men through initiation. God is willing to initiate boys into men as their Father if they would let him and He calls those who are men to be His hands and feet to do so. So this is my exhortation to you men, be a man and challenge, charge, and commission boys to be men.
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April 12, 2012
There is a scene in the movie "300" where Xerxes, King of Persia, sends a messenger to Leonidas, King of Sparta. In the scene the messenger is to demand the surrender of Sparta. Leonidas' wife is in the meeting and protests the surrender of the city and the messenger says, "Who is this woman that she should take council with men?" Leonidas tells him that he welcomes her council and the messenger asks why. Leonidas' wife says, "The women of Sparta are permitted in the war councils of men because we are the only women who give birth to real men."
Now I actually do NOT highly recommend this movie for obvious reasons, however I believe that this scene depicts something that should never be overlooked: a woman's strength.
This past week we have been taking part in discipleship meetings in the squatter camps in Johannesburg like every other week, however we have been doing something a bit differently. The girls have been leading their own group and me and the other guy have been in our own group. Does it make me nervous? Yes. Am I convinced that they can do it? Yes. If there was an event where I saw that I could aid the women here in what they were doing, would I do it? ABSO-FREAKIN-LUTELY. It's not that I do not want to offer my strength in helping women when I do not do something for them, but it's understanding that yes I am strong and yes I can be strong for a woman, but not at the expense of a woman's strength. Men who love the ideal of chivalry as I do can take it too far some times, at which point they smother women around them and cause untold pain to themselves. John Piper writes in excellence on this matter in his book "Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood."
So in understanding that, know the inexpressible value in these mysterious creatures we call women, in their wisdom, (as foreign as it is) their common sense, their beauty, and their strength.
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August 23, 2012
We live the era most sexualized,
But we just say no we’re industrialized,
Or sophisticated because we’re educational-ized,
But in reality the culture is nursing fornication
Through the humiliation and provocation
Of the poor, needy, and marginalized.
“Love is real
Lust Illusion,
Only in a surge of passion,
But we just say no we’re industrialized,
Or sophisticated because we’re educational-ized,
But in reality the culture is nursing fornication
Through the humiliation and provocation
Of the poor, needy, and marginalized.
“Love is real
Lust Illusion,
Only in a surge of passion,
Do the two Mingle in confusion.”
“So where are you men?”
As 3.33 out of 10 say.
The question still stan’s
“Where are you Adam?”
There are a few who stand and demand justice...
Justice. “Al-most” a forgotten word if it were not for God’s Word.
Micah 6:8
Being accomplished, but sadly sometimes a little late.
Because the Lord looks for Men He might fully satiate, but finds few.
The few rank men like “Spurgeon and Piper,” and who?
Driscoll and T.Dat, “Yeah this song is for you.”
So this is a call to fight
For all that is true and right.
Stand up ye young men.
“Because you have over come the evil one.”
“Because you are strong, and the Word of God abides in you, and you have overcome the evil one.”
So stand and fight.
“So where are you men?”
As 3.33 out of 10 say.
The question still stan’s
“Where are you Adam?”
There are a few who stand and demand justice...
Justice. “Al-most” a forgotten word if it were not for God’s Word.
Micah 6:8
Being accomplished, but sadly sometimes a little late.
Because the Lord looks for Men He might fully satiate, but finds few.
The few rank men like “Spurgeon and Piper,” and who?
Driscoll and T.Dat, “Yeah this song is for you.”
So this is a call to fight
For all that is true and right.
Stand up ye young men.
“Because you have over come the evil one.”
“Because you are strong, and the Word of God abides in you, and you have overcome the evil one.”
So stand and fight.
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June 6, 2012
The Question still stands... "Adam, where are you?"
Global Expeditions, which is one of the largest short term missions organizations in the world, sent out 3,000 young women this past summer on short term missions. They were only able to send out 600 young men due to a lack of interest.
"Where are all the men?" Was a question that I have often asked church leaders, teams, and myself. However I have found a much more important question to ask: "Why do we have so few men in the church?"
Men only make up 33% percent of the church and we could throw the blame on the nature of men saying that they are too pride filled or on the church saying that it is too domesticated and lacks the adventure that men crave, but neither are true.
I have found that the number one reason that men are absent in the church is because we who are men stand by in apathy. Men are not born, boys are born and they are forged into men through initiation. God is willing to initiate boys into men as their Father if they would let him and He calls those who are men to be His hands and feet to do so. So this is my exhortation to you men, be a man and challenge, charge, and commission boys to be men.
____________________________________________________________
April 12, 2012
There is a scene in the movie "300" where Xerxes, King of Persia, sends a messenger to Leonidas, King of Sparta. In the scene the messenger is to demand the surrender of Sparta. Leonidas' wife is in the meeting and protests the surrender of the city and the messenger says, "Who is this woman that she should take council with men?" Leonidas tells him that he welcomes her council and the messenger asks why. Leonidas' wife says, "The women of Sparta are permitted in the war councils of men because we are the only women who give birth to real men."
Now I actually do NOT highly recommend this movie for obvious reasons, however I believe that this scene depicts something that should never be overlooked: a woman's strength.
This past week we have been taking part in discipleship meetings in the squatter camps in Johannesburg like every other week, however we have been doing something a bit differently. The girls have been leading their own group and me and the other guy have been in our own group. Does it make me nervous? Yes. Am I convinced that they can do it? Yes. If there was an event where I saw that I could aid the women here in what they were doing, would I do it? ABSO-FREAKIN-LUTELY. It's not that I do not want to offer my strength in helping women when I do not do something for them, but it's understanding that yes I am strong and yes I can be strong for a woman, but not at the expense of a woman's strength. Men who love the ideal of chivalry as I do can take it too far some times, at which point they smother women around them and cause untold pain to themselves. John Piper writes in excellence on this matter in his book "Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood."
So in understanding that, know the inexpressible value in these mysterious creatures we call women, in their wisdom, (as foreign as it is) their common sense, their beauty, and their strength.
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April 8, 2012
“God I know that I need a whole lot of work to be perfect, but I don’t think that’s what You want, and I’m trying to be OK with that, I do want to be who You created me to be though. And I have an incredible passion to be a real man, to man up and to hash out my masculinity into a chiseled core character. I am voracious to be a godly man Lord. Is this still an area that I have not handed over You? By my own admission this may be something I have or am trying to take back into my own power to produce fruit to attract attention to my own character. I really really want to be recognized as a real man, and I think that even that is wrong and pride filled. I want people to look at me and note the defining characteristic is raw Godly masculinity. Lord is that wrong? My deep desire is to gain a true, and lasting, solid masculinity that emulates the character of Christ, steps up to lead when the situation calls for it, protects and cherishes women, is courteous and mature in conduct, and yet fights injustice with a tenacity and from a rock solid base of integrity. That’s my heart’s desire Father. Lord will You father me into that place? Please? This characteristic cannot exist apart from a pure heart, mind, and soul, honed by a passion for the Gospel and the Spirit, dedicated to discipleship given from above and transferred to those around me through brotherhood and those who follow. God, I’m passionate about this. This is my passion. Will You give this to me? Will You inject this into me, the core of my being, defining the essence of who I am? Please, I beg You Father. Father me.”
I wrote this in my prayer journal on our road trip to Swaziland in 2011 and shared it two days later at a men’s rehab center in Mbabane. The focus of the message was what is true Masculinity and what does it look like, because inherent in the nature of the male gender is the strong desire to be a man and not a boy, and for many it is not just enough to be called a man, but to be authentically a man. So what is the authenticity of masculinity? Do others need to recognize your masculinity for it to be real? No, but even in writing that statement out, I know that I struggle without such a validation. So what can we use to measure such a thing? I could go on to tell you how I’ve discovered what about masculinity and the criterion of being a man, but the truth is that most of the time I don’t know, however I respect what Edwin Cole said in Maximized Manhood when he said, “Real Masculinity is synonymous with Christ-likeness.” Genesis 1:26, “Come let us make man in our own likeness.” Inherent in the journey to return to true masculinity after the fallen state is a return to Christ-likeness. That is the way that we were created to be. A shadow of God. Not God Himself, but His image in every way. Moving when He moves. Dancing when He dances. We are to come into agreement with who He is. The only way to do this is to come into closer relationship coming to know Him more and more.
And as far as the oh so common “to-do-list” given with preaches, I would reference Micah 6:8, “You know what it is to do oh man, but to do justice, love mercy, and to walk humbly with Your God.” I feel that if I were to expound any more on that scripture it would loose it’s potency; so simply and beautifully said, “Get ‘er done.” Obey Micah 6:8.
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September 3, 2011
Men of Estcourt Part 1
Last night our group of interns went to a “youth” group to lead the service while we were on our village trip to Estcourt. We had decided to separate the group and hold some Men’s Ministry and Women’s Ministry.
We had about 6-7 guys who were in their late 20‘s early 30‘s. We started it out more discussion based. I asked the question, “What does it mean to be a man?” As we discussed it, we started to unpack several Godly attributes and we basically came to a point where we agreed that a man is someone who stands in the authority of God’s image. What does that mean?
In Psalms 18 and Job chapter 38 God shows up in terrifying display. Arrayed in horrible strength and beautiful majesty. He is the living God. This absolutely magnificent being is so far beyond what we could conjure out of all the recesses of our finite mind’s creative juices. This is God. He shows up, only the way that God can, and then in Job 38:3 He says, “Gird up your loins like a man; I will question you, and you make it known to Me.” He says, “Stand like a man, because I, the Almighty Lord God, will talk with you.” Wow. God reveals Himself through the awesome display of His power, but then in a subtle twist He reveals a little bit about us. With this attitude of awe and shock of God’s incredible attributes we should become even more shocked that He turns to a mere man and says, “I’m going to talk to You.” No wonder why the psalmist said, “Who is man that you are mindful of him!?” God is God and yet He intended to make man in His image so that He could converse with Him. That means that man is capable of convening with the Almighty.
So how can man get to that place? John Eldridge talks about a trip he took to the Chichagof Islands in his book Fathered by God. He was on a kayaking trip in Alaska and his guide asked him if he would like to see a grizzly bear. He said yes, but unfortunately it was too hot and the grizzlies were taking a nap but as he went further into the island they stumbled upon a marsh and he found what looked like cobble stones, 2 foot by 2 foot spread. His guide told him, “This is a marked trail, made by the bears.” The cobble stones were actually the foot prints of grizzly bears generation upon generation in the making. Each bear cub watched his parents walk through the bog and stepped exactly where his parents stepped and thats how they make it through the bog safely. This is the way Masculinity is to be bestowed! From father to son.
When I shared this in Estcourt, it actually brought little comfort. All of the men nodded, but their somber faces told me that the burden was not lifted.
One of the men asked the question, “Why do men fail?” So if we’re made in the image of God, why do we fail? “Why do men consistently disappoint by leaving families abandoned?” As we went around the group we found that almost every man there came from a broken family and that each man wished more than anything that he would not become like his father. Wow. One of the men actually turned to me and said, “I don’t know if this is the same in white culture, but for us, we do not want to be like our fathers.” That’s a hard word.
To answer this question we went all the way back to Adam’s failure in the Garden. In as much as that the scripture says, Eve “... took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her and he ate” (Genesis 3:6). This is the first time a man ever failed to be a man. As it’s been pointed out in multiple sermons worldwide, this literally translates as “right beside her.” So Adam basically sits in paralysis and watches the whole interaction between Eve and the Serpent and so far as we can tell, he doesn’t say a word. Why? What would cause a man such paralysis? Fear? Surly not for himself and fear for the love of his life would drive him to arouse his strength to come and rescue her... Wait. That’s it there. His strength. Is it possible that he heard the serpents cunning and knew the hard line God had drawn in the sand, but doubted for a moment who he was and what he was capable of. I’m no theologian, but I know that I find myself doubting my own strength all the time and because of the doubt that presents itself over my strength, I don’t offer my strength at all. As we discussed it, every man agreed that we had all had that same experience. We had all at one point known what needed to be done, but because we questioned ourself, we decided that someone older and stronger should handle it.
Now how do we overcome this paralysis, especially if our fathers and their fathers before them have succumbed to it?
In many ways I feel like this is a legitimate fear, but it’s based on an accusation. In the ancient times when kings would go to war, they would lead their troops into battle. To do this the King would have a herd of horses trained to charge to the sound of a whistle, where ever the whistle was blown. This meant that no matter what the horse was doing, when the whistle was blown, the horse would charge in the direction of the whistle. As the horses were trained to do this it became rigorous and they began to select the horse who would be the Kings horse. Finally they had taken the best of the best horses and there was nothing left to distinguish one valiant stead from another. So they took the elite horses and put them in a stable at the top of a hill for three days without food or water. At the bottom of the hill was a beautiful gentle stream that would refresh anyone who came to it. At the end of the third day, the King came out and opened the stable doors. These horses took off down the hill towards the water. The King watched and just as the horses got half way down the hill, he blew the whistle. Now some of the horses didn’t stop at all, some stopped and looked at the water, then looked up at the king and turned toward the water, and very few stopped, looked at the water, and then slowly turned and headed back up the hill.
These horses had a legitimate need for water and they had well earned it from all their training, but it was the trust of the very few, who put the king’s agenda before their own that won them their right to be called the king’s horses. For us, it isn’t far fetched for us to understand that the Lord is our Father and reveals Himself to be Father. Matthew 5:48 says, “Be holy as your Heavenly Father is holy.” He simultaneously tells us that He is our Father and that we need to be holy like Him! For many of us He is blowing that whistle right before we step down into the bog and tells us, “Follow me.” For those with broken homes He says it right before we make all of the same mistakes and failures of our fathers before us. He says, “step where I step and do as I do.” This is where we become tested. Do we trust the King? Can we trust Him to take us through these strange times, where others have failed? God is asking us to trust Him. Even with our strength when necessary, knowing that He made us. He knows our strength and what we are capable of and believes in us, even when we do not believe in ourselves. Will we be able to trust Him?
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September 3, 2011
Men of Estcourt Part 2
In a few of my studies of Jewish Culture and putting the Bible into that context, I ran across a Jewish Rabbinical method of teaching known as “Remez.” This particular method of teaching assumed that the audience was completely Jewish and had extensive knowledge of the Torah (First 5 books of the Bible) and the Tenach (The Old Testament). Remez teachers would even assume that the listener's knowledge of the Tenach was so extensive that they had memorized it. What the Rabbi would then do is present a verse in support of the point he was trying to make, but also introduce another point, make a claim, insult, or complement those he was speaking to based on the context of the verse he quoted i.e. through the verse before or after the quotation. Sometimes it was both or even the entire chapter the verse was taken from.
I was reading Isaiah 42-45 today and I found several verses that reminded me of remez! I don’t know if they really are, but they are so similar. Isaiah 43: 10-11 says, “You are My witnesses,” declares the Lord, And My servant whom I have chosen So that you may know and believe Me, and understand that I am He, before Me there was no God formed, And there will be none after Me. I, even I, am the Lord, And there is no savior besides Me.” It goes on with all of the declarations testifying to His deity, but the place in the New Testament where Christ says the same thing is in Acts 1:8, “but you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be My witnesses both in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and even to the remotest part of the earth.” I’m no expert of remez, but I really wonder if He was commanding the disciples to stay and wait in Jerusalem for the Holy Spirit so that through experiencing fellowship with the Holy Spirit they might “know and believe Me and understand that I am He!” Like that the Holy Spirit would only continue to testify to His identity of Godhood. He does it again in Isaiah 44:8, “Do not tremble and do not be afraid; Have I not long since announced it to you and declared it? And you are My witnesses is there any God besides Me or is there any other Rock? I know of none.” Like He was fully making His claim to being God known then and there, making it clear that God had not simply raised a good man from the dead, but that He was literally God Himself who had the power and authority to raise Himself from the dead. He does it in another place in Isaiah 43:6, “Thus says the Lord, the King of Israel and his Redeemer, the Lord of hosts: ‘I am the first and I am the last and there is no God besides Me.’” which mirrors Revelation 1:17 which says, “When I saw Him, I fell at His feet like a dead man. And He placed His right hand on me, saying, “Do not be afraid; I am the first and the last,” like don’t worry, I’m only declaring that I am God! The Almighty, Everlasting Being who is Creator! O my gosh!!!! Christ was clearly stating His deity, in front of all heaven, so that they might all know who He really is and that there may not be any question or doubt saying that He is only a man. The next verse in Isaiah 43 says, “Who is like Me? Let him proclaim and declare it;” like Christ was saying it to test all of Heaven proving His identity as God Almighty!
Nelson Mendala once said, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?” Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us... And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others!” Christ was fully and completely embracing this principle. He knew exactly who He was even in the face of Satan’s stabbing remarks, “IF you are the Son of God then...” He knew and because He knew He didn’t hide it. He stood up with a form and dignity the world had never seen before. He did it in the face of those who tried to keep the people groveling to religion in bondage because of their sins. “The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, Because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the afflicted; He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to captives and freedom to prisoners;” (Isaiah 61:1). Because Christ knew exactly who He was, we can know exactly who we are and walk in power because of it, rather than in slavery!
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Seriously I don’t know how many times I’ve started this blog thought, but I’m tired of trying to perfect it, so this may be an on going thought that may turn into a controversial conviction of mine. This is in particular regards to the vein of passion that should course through every man, as warriors.
There is a God.
Hell is “breaking forth across the face of the Earth.”
"Why do we never get an answer, when we're knocking at the door?
With one hundred million questions about hate and death and war?"
In Proverbs in more than one spot, the scriptures say that the sluggard or the fool says, “There is a lion in the streets! I will be killed in the streets!” Why? Why is this a characteristic of a fool? Well if you are familiar with the book In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day then you know the story of Beniah. And though I don’t want to solely focus on his story, I think the principal answer to the Proverbs lion problem is found there. 2 Samuel 23: 20-23 describes the accomplishments of Beniah, one of David’s mighty men. His three major accomplishments include killing two mighty warriors of Moab, an Egyptian pretty boy, and a 500 pound problem, a lion. You can study his full story in 2 Samuel 23, 1 Chronicles 11-12, and the stories of King Solomon in 1 Kings .
Beniah had a conviction. His conviction was that his people would not be put to flight by anything. As in Cool Runnings, “I see pride! I see Power! I see a bad mother, who don’t take no lip, from no body.” Beniah didn’t care if it was a man or a beast, his people would not be put to shame. With this conviction, he went into a pit on a snowy day and killed a lion that was terrorizing his people.
This is the fact that sluggards and fools don’t understand. They see the lion as a 500 pound impossibility that eats them in the end. They have found that there is no resolution other than to run. There is no hope. They throw in the towel in the fight, stay low and try to wait out the danger as others take the flack for the terror in the night. There is a song out called “Zombies ate the Neighbors” and in the chorus it says, “So grab something sharp, find some cover, kill the lights and nail the back door shut, this isn’t funny anymore, oh no this means war!” Unfortunately they got it right, but they’re taking the wrong approach! In another popular zombie apocalypse movie called Dawn of the Dead a man just freshly exposed to the living dead cries out, “Why God Why!?” The veteran to the apocalypse turns to him and simply says, “Hell is breaking forth across the face of the Earth.” Which is so true of the injustice that the world is experiencing this very moment! We all know it. We hear about it a far off! But our resolution is the same as those in the Zombie apocalypses. We find some cover, nail the back door shut, and hope to wait it out. We cannot take this approach! This is foolishness! It is waiting to be found, become trapped, and to run out of ammo! We have to take the offensive, to join the fight!
Ultimately the lion or the zombies that we are facing is the everyday injustice that breaks forth across the face of the Earth! Our call is to stand up against injustice such as with the case of the orphan, the widow, the millions of slaves all over the world!
Micah 6:8 (Great name for a book by the way) says, “You know, oh man, what is good and what does the Lord require, to do justice, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God!” DANG SON! This is so close and critical to the Father’s heart! Job goes through several chapters from 28 and on to explain his work in justice for the poor, the widow, the orphan, the naked, and if he had not done what should have been done then his arm should fall from his shoulder!
I started this post out by saying that there is a God and there was evil in the world. This is so difficult to reconcile for all of us! Ravi Zacharias has some amazing insight to this, that you can look into on www.rzim.org, but I want to propose that we are responsible for the evil on the face of the Earth, and I want you to know that this is written with a great deal of struggle because the answer to this controversy requires more than profound words.
My proposition is that when the Lord gave us the Great Commission, it was the second direct command to all of mankind. The first was the cultural mandate in Gensus, “bring everything under submission.” We are made “a little lower than the heavenly beings” and everything is “under your foot,” or at one point it was, now our challenge is to go out and bring it under that submission to the dominion of the king. And when we abdicate this responsibility, we commit a sin of “omission,” which is to say that we fail to do what is right and we will be called to account for failing to do what is required.
The truth is that we must take an offensive aggressive stance toward this lion that is currently plaguing our world, in whatever capacity possible. My heart is burning within me over the issue of what this “capacity” is and I will blog on my thoughts on this as soon as I can.
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Hey ladies,
So several of you have been asking for my advice about guys because you want to provoke more of the masculine spirit in those men around you or you have mentioned to me that the men around you currently really frustrate you, so I wanted to share some thoughts with my sisters that I and several alumni have had on the feminine influence on men. Let’s lay a back drop so we can make this a little more interesting... but before I start, know that this is NOT advice on how to pick up a guy... just how to have great friendships with guys outside of the HA.
So imagine you are at war, because you need some rules of engagement, you need to know what kind of ground you are standing on, and what you are capable of.
Terms of Engagement -
So Rule of Engagement Number 1: The feminine spirit is not capable of initiating the masculine spirit. A woman cannot show a boy how to be a man. You will not be able to turn guys at home who have never been in Trailer Club, a Godly Man Class, or a Promise Keepers Seminar into those things. Men must be initiated by men. The feminine spirit cannot father a boy, however the influence that it has on them is incredible because it is the male counterpart. So encourage mentorship, Godly brotherhood, reading books like Wild At Heart, Maximized Manhood, The Way of the Wild Heart, and THE BIBLE because “Masculinity is synonymous with Christ-likeness” (Maximized Manhood, by Dr. Ed Coleson), but you will not be able to initiate it in them on your own.
Rule Number 2: The Beauty is capable of arresting the Masculine Warrior, and should because if the warrior is never restrained he is capable of terrible things, but this can happen unbeknownst to the Beauty. The ancient celts used to say, “Never give a man a sword if he doesn’t know how to dance” (The Way of the Wild Heart, John Eldridge). This is part of the masculine journey, being captivated and being in touch with the poet inside. Eric Ludy called it the “Warrior Poet” in Authentic Beauty (Don’t worry I only read his chapters in the book, I didn’t read any of your secrets, I was too close to the cooty zone as it was). However because of this, they may not see you as a sister right now, so be cautious to keep a healthy distance at times. Some signs that come up if you have arrested his attention in a romantic but unspoken way is his expectations of you. If you find him frequently frustrated for seemingly no reason or almost volatile over small things, he might have laid expectations on you to fulfill. This is called “Compromised Ground” (The Art of War, Sun Tzu), and is call for retreat! Severe these relationships because they are altogether unhealthy and the only that will heal them is space.
Rule Number 3: Watch out for stereotypes! “What do you expect? He’s a guy.” or “This is what happens when you put a man in charge.” The Stupid American Male Stereotype. To me, this IS utterly insulting and makes me livid! I was talking to a mother of a missionary this past month and she told me that she “loved her son to death, but he is a guy” and was completely irresponsible, was naive, and had no idea what was going on. When you support these stereotypes you will try define men by them. The sad thing is that there is a central question on the heart of a man and they all might not choose to word it like this, but it is generally, “Do I have what it takes?” (Wild at Heart, John Eldridge) Will I be able to be a doctor? Am I capable of beating this team? Do I have what it takes to go to Africa and preach the Gospel for 10 months? If you agree with these stereotypes in your heart, your mouth will show it and it will take all of the wind out of the sails of the men around you.
Ground -
Now to understand the Ground we stand on: “unconscious incompetence,” “conscious incompetence,” “unconscious competence,” “conscious competence.” (Habitudes, Dr. Tim Elmore). These are pretty self explanatory and I am sure that most of you remember this lesson in Habitudes, but the boys or men that you deal with may not realize that they need to grow.
Unconscious Incompetence: in which case you can certainly let them know that they need to grow and mature and expect them to rise to that challenge. They will not be able to fix what they do not know is broken.
Conscious Incompetence: if this is by choice you may question if you should be close friends with them. If they are consciously choosing to stay immature they are not looking for healthy friendships. You can still help them in their journey by simply being casual and distant friends and encouraging good male friendships, but that may be all. Bring them to the Lord in prayer if it really bothers you.
Unconscious Competence: continue to encouraging understanding so that they might turn and train others to be men! These could help the other two!
Conscious Competence: challenge these men to seek more training and to train others! If they are not training other boys to be men then there is a problem.
What You’re Capable of -
One of the best ways for you to impact men is to be yourself. Being exactly what God designed you to be: A princess. I won’t touch on this a lot, because it would be a bit sketch for me to do this and because I have never been a princess at all so I won’t. Simply know that when you act pure and stately, you challenge men in a way that is hard to describe. Eric Ludy talked about it though in his chapters in Authentic Beauty.
This is all just some simple things that I thought might help... I hope it does if you would really like to know more about guys in their masculine journey in the way God intended them to be leaders affected by the culture today read The Way of the Wild Heart, the Making of the Leader, and the Fourth Turning... I might try to blog on it, it’s blowing my mind right now.
